This Is It
by Asher J
Summary: A chain of unfortunate events convinces Haley Braddock to get some help.
1. Chapter 1

_**THIS IS IT**_

**CHAPTER 1**

_**"M**_rs. Braddock? Haley? Dr. Allen can see you now."

"Thanks. Come on, Haley."

Sighing, I put down the copy of _Tiger Beat _that I'd been reading, forced myself off that ugly-as-sin couch, and followed my mom down the hall. I knew what was about to happen: another session with this therapist I'd been referred to. Oh, you're probably wondering who I am, right? Well, I'll start at the beginning.

My name's Haley Braddock. I'm twelve years old, and in the seventh grade at Stoneybrook Middle School. I have a ten-year-old brother named Matt, who's profoundly deaf, not that it's any of his fault, mind you. At least that's what I've always told myself. Still, here I am. Now that I think about it, I should've known that, sooner or later, this is where I'd be.

You see, I've been putting up with a lot of crap from kids because they all know me as "that deaf kid's sister." It didn't really bother me at first, because I figured, if I could give at least people an idea as to how my parents and I communicate with Matt, they'd be a little more open-minded. And thank God for the Pike kids, namely Vanessa, who's my age, as well as my best friend. We're also cheerleaders at SMS, as well as honorary members of the Baby-sitters Club, but I'll tell you more about that later. Right now, I have more important things to worry about.

Now that I think about it, I guess I should probably tell you why I'm here. Lately, I've been having trouble with controlling my anger, namely whenever someone makes fun of my brother. Like I said before, it didn't always get to me so much, but as time went on, it really started to piss me off more easily. I kept trying to tell myself that it's not Matt's fault he's deaf, and compared to a lot of kids who have some sort of disability, he's actually pretty lucky. (I don't mean to get off the subject, but I once told Jessi Ramsey that I sometimes resented Matt because of it, and how I wish he'd never been born. I also showed her a pendant that Matt had once made for me in art class. It's a little red "H" made out of clay, and it's hanging on a gold chain. I love it, because Matt had made it for me.) I bet you think I should consider myself lucky as well, with the amount of friends we have in Stoneybrook. And believe me, I'm grateful for having their support, but I still found myself wishing that things weren't so complicated for us.

"Hello, Haley," Dr. Allen said. He was a pretty tall guy, maybe about 6' 3" or 6' 4", and he had short black hair streaked with gray, brown eyes, tan skin, and a neatly trimmed gray beard.

"Hi," I answered as politely as I could manage. To tell you the truth, I was as far from thrilled as I could be. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I didn't have anything to do with my situation, but I never expected it to turn out like this. On the other hand, if it hadn't been for my teammates and coach, Ms. Halliday, I'd probably be in juvie right now.

Mom and I stepped into Dr. Allen's office and sat on the couch.

I just wanted to get this over with.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

_**I**_t all started at our BSC meeting. It was pretty cold out, so Claudia Kishi had put on a pot of tea to warm us up. It was the Japanese tea that her grandmother always made. "Thanks for the tea, Claud," Kristy said as she got off the phone with Mrs. Dawes.

"Thanks," Claud said. "I still can't believe I remembered how Mimi did it."

"It's pretty good, just like she made," Mary Anne said.

"Thanks," Claud repeated. "I know Mimi would be happy to know that."

"Are you guys ready for the game in Lawrenceville?" Mary Anne asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, yeah," Charlotte said. "We've been looking forward to it for weeks. You know, I heard the last time we'd beat them was when you guys were in fifth grade."

"Yeah, I remember when they came to Stoneybrook a couple of years ago, and our guys lost by one point," Kristy said. "I can still hear that fit Marty Bukowski threw when he missed that basket, sometimes in my sleep."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Claud grimaced. "I'm surprised the coach didn't _A, _kick him off the team right then and there, and _B, _wash his mouth out with Tide."

_"Oy. _I'm guessing he wasn't too happy, huh?" Abby asked.

"I'll say he wasn't," Kristy answered.

I guess I was pretty quiet that day, because Vanessa asked, "Something wrong, Haley?"

"Hmm?" I asked. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

Obviously, they didn't believe me, because Jessi asked, "Are you sure there's nothing bothering you, Haley?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Really," I insisted. "I'm just a little concerned about Matt, that's all."

Right away, the other girls forgot about what they were discussing and focused their attention on me. "Is Matt all right?" Stacey asked.

"Oh, for the most part, yeah. But you know, I think now that we're older, he wants to be more independent, and I bet he's wishing that I'd give him a little more space."

Mary Anne nodded sympathetically. "I think I know how Matt feels. Until I was your age, my dad had such a short leash on me you wouldn't believe it."

"I'm just glad he finally lightened up when he met Dawn and her mom," Claud commented. "Otherwise, you'd still have your hair in those damn braids and dressing like a five-year-old."

"So, you guys don't think I'm being too protective of him?"

"Not really," Kristy said. "But it'd still be a good idea to not hover over him 24 hours a day. Otherwise, he'd either resent you even more, or not be willing to do anything for himself. And I know you don't want that to happen to him."

"What should I do, then?" I asked as I took a handful of Reese's pieces.

"Well, if I were you, Haley, I'd do what Kristy says and just let him be for now, and if he has a problem he can't handle, he'll come to you," Mal said.

Abby nodded. "I agree with Mal. It's normal for kids his age to want to be more independent."

I understood what they were getting at, but at the same time, this was my brother we were talking about here. And if, God forbid, he ever got hurt or something, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

Since we only live a few houses away from the Kishis', I made it home in plenty of time for dinner. Speaking of which, Dad has been pretty--what's the word?--experimental with his cooking lately, so the rest of us have had to be as open-minded as we can without hurting his feelings. Tonight, it was some kind of casserole made from ground beef, cream of mushroom soup, and manicotti pasta, mashed potatoes, and canned corn. And I'll tell you, at the risk of sounding like Gramma Braddock, I was pleasantly surprised.

"You're awfully quiet over there, Haley," Mom commented. "Is something wrong?"

_What, is there a sign on my back that says, "Warning: Something is bothering Haley"? _I thought in annoyance. _This must be the third time someone's asked me that today!_

"No," I answered. "I've just had a long day today, that's all."

"The Baby-sitters Club must keep you pretty busy, huh?" Dad asked.

"Yeah, I suppose," I admitted. "Along with school and cheerleading, I'm pretty wiped out by the end of the day."

That's when I noticed Matt tapping Dad's shoulder and signing excitedly about the game in Lawrenceville. You see, Matt really loves watching me cheer for our team, and this was the first time he was going to be allowed to come to an away game, so he was really looking forward to it.

"And Haley says we're gonna win this year," Matt signed to Mom, then he looked at me with that dimpled grin of his.

"Oh, she does, does she?" Mom asked, signing, and Matt nodded.

After dinner, I went upstairs to my room to start my homework. I'd just gotten out my books, pencil, and lapdesk when I heard a knock on the door. "It's open," I called, and Mom walked in.

"Got much to do tonight?" she asked.

"Naw, just health and algebra," I said. "Why?"

Mom pulled my desk chair up beside my bed and sat down. "Honey, I really don't mean to pry here, but I've noticed that you've been a little withdrawn lately, especially tonight," she said. "When we were talking about the game, you hardly said two words the whole time. Are you having problems? Is it your dad or me?"

"No," I said," shifting uneasily.

"Is it school? Are you having problems with school?"

Sighing, I put my lapdesk down beside me. I knew Mom wasn't going to back off until I started talking. "Okay, I'll level with you," I told her. "I think Matt's a little upset with me."

"Why?"

"Look, when I first found out he was deaf, I made a promise to myself that I'd do my part in helping him communicate with us, looking out for him, and helping him make friends. But now that he's in fifth grade...well--"

"You feel like he's pulling away from you?" Mom suggested.

I nodded. "I know he should have independence, but I'm just really worried about someone taking advantage of him, or hurting him, so I try to be with him as much as I can, but I'm afraid that he feels like I'm treating him like a baby."

"Honey, I understand how you must be feeling right now," Mom said gently. "I worry about Matt, too. But we can't let our protective instincts get the better of us, especially you. Your dad and I both appreciate you looking out for your brother, and believe me, from what I've seen over the years, you've done a great job, but Matt is at that age where he needs to learn to rely on himself more often. After all, we won't always be there for him when he has the slightest little problem."

I brushed my hair out of my eyes. "Kristy told me something like that at our meeting this afternoon," I said. "She told me I couldn't watch him 24/7, or he'd really be upset."

"Well, Kristy has a point, you know," Mom agreed. "Haley, you have such wonderful traits, but to be perfectly honest with you, sometimes you act like you have all the answers to all our problems. Like it or not, you can't expect Matt to come running to you if something goes wrong for him. If he doesn't need your help, then you should back off. But that could never change the fact that he loves you. And he does, very much. But the best thing you can do for him is to let him figure things out for himself, and if he feels as if he's dealing with more than he thinks he can, he'll let you know. Okay?"

I nodded, and gave Mom a hug. Even though it wasn't going to be easy, I made a vow to myself that I'd give Matt the independence he deserved.

Little did I know what was going to happen at that game.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

_**"Y**_es, and then what happened?" Dr. Allen asked patiently.

"Well, we went to the game," I answered.

"Mm-hm," the doctor said, making a note on his pad. "Is there anything else I should know?"

_You mean besides the fact that you're really annoying the shit out of me?_ I thought, but instead, I said to him, "What can I say? We went to the game, we had a good time, and won by one point. I guess those new cheers we'd worked on really helped, because by half-time, our guys started kicking some ass."

"Haley," Mom said in a warning tone. She's not too keen on hearing people swear.

"Okay, our guys wiped the court with the other team," I sighed.

"That's nice," Dr. Allen commented. After finishing what he was writing, he looked at me and asked, "Is that all?"

"Well, my parents were at the game, and so was my brother," I said.

Apparently, Dr. Allen thought I was going to tell him something else, because when I saw him looking expectantly at me, I continued, "You know, people might like you a little better if you didn't stare at them."

"That's enough," Mom said sharply. I knew I was trying her patience, but I didn't care. I just wanted this to be over and done with.

"Haley, I realize you're dealing with a lot right now, but I'm only trying to help you," Dr. Allen informed me. "Now, you said your brother was at the game, right?"

I nodded. "He was with the Pikes and the Barretts/DeWitts," I said. "I was on the court with Vanessa, Charlotte, and Danielle, and trying to keep an eye on Matt."

"That's awfully responsible of you," Dr. Allen commented.

If he'd been at that damn game, and saw what had happened that night, responsible would've been the last thing he would call me.

_"S! M! S!...S! M! S!...S! M! S!"_

That's what we were shouting at the game: Vanessa Pike, Charlotte Johanssen, Danielle Roberts, myself, and our fellow teammates on the Stoneybrook Middle School seventh-grade cheerleading squad, just like we'd done at numerous sporting events. The only difference was, we weren't in Stoneybrook. We were in Lawrenceville, at our first away game of the season. For once, I began to understand how the other teams must have felt coming to Stoneybrook, but for the most part, I was still having a pretty good time.

"All right, Bill!" I heard Bebe Everett scream. Out of the corner of my eye, I'd seen Bill Korman steal the ball from a guy on the other team and shoot it at the basket. It bounced twice on the rim and slid down the net, much to the excitement of our fellow Stoneybrookers, especially Matt. I could hear his laugh over some of the cheering, and I could tell he was really pumped.

Unfortunately, I also heard a voice say, "Hey, what the hell was that?" I turned around to see who the voice belonged to, and there, standing by our team's bench, were two rival players, and they were laughing at my brother.

"I dunno, dude, it sounded like a wildebeest in labor," the other guy said. I knew I probably should've ignored them, but my instincts wouldn't let me. I immediately rushed over to them.

"You leave my brother alone, or we're gonna have serious problems," I warned. The last thing I wanted to happen was a fight breaking out right in the middle of the game. Luckily, a referee saw what was happening and put a stop to it.

A little while later, the half-time buzzer sounded. The other team was ahead by 5 points, and we were all hoping our guys would be able to get it together. I, on the other hand, was more concerned with Matt's safety than the score, which is why I was rushing over to where he was.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom real quick," I told him, signing at the same time. "You stay with Nick and Buddy, okay?"

If Matt was feeling annoyed with how I was acting toward him, he sure didn't show it. He just nodded and went to the concession stand with the others. Also, I'm not too sure, but I thought I saw him turning to Buddy and signing something about me being overprotective.

Now that I look back on that night, maybe what happened next was inevitable.

I'd just finished washing my hands when the door flew open and Vanessa rushed in and shouted, "HALEY!"

Right away, I knew something was wrong. "Vanessa, what happened?" I asked.

"Some kid's beating up Matt!" she cried.

In an instant, I ran out of the bathroom and into the lobby, and there, by the main door, was a kid in a Lawrenceville jacket, who looked more than twice Matt's size, and he'd just knocked my brother to the ground! When I shoved my way through the crowd, I saw the kid jump up into the air and stomp on Matt's hand! The sound of him screaming--and I swear to God I also heard some bones break--is one that'll never leave me.

Anyway, I charged over to the kid, threw myself onto his back, and started pulling his hair and clawing his neck. "YOU ROTTEN BASTARD!" I screeched at the top of my lungs as my nails slashed furiously across his skin. I was beyond pissed. If there's one thing you absolutely do not do, it's lay a hand on my brother.

If the kid hadn't succeeded in throwing me off him, I would've gone right for the eyes, but for the moment, I was glad that I'd succeeded in drawing blood when I was scratching him. When I got up, standing in front of me was one of the other team's cheerleaders, probably the kid's girlfriend. The first thing she did was shove me.

"Whattaya think you're doin', bitch?" she barked as I regained my balance.

"I'm standing up for my brother! What the hell's it look like?!" I snapped back, getting right up in her face. And just as I'd predicted, she started laughing.

"You mean _that _little simp?" she smirked, pointing in Matt's direction. Then she started waving her hands around and making wild animal noises, obviously mimicking the sounds Matt always made because he couldn't talk. And that's when I really saw red.

Without hesitating or even stopping to think about what I was doing, I drew back my fist and smashed that poor excuse for Ashlee Simpson right in the jaw. The next thing I knew, we were rolling around on the floor, punching, scratching, hair-pulling, and cursing like a couple of crazed Black Friday shoppers. And during the scuffle, I heard some smartass shout, "Hey, somebody build those two a mud pit!"

I'd had the girl by the neck and was rubbing the back of her head against the floor when the kid who'd attacked Matt grabbed me and, with all his strength, flung me back-first against the wall. As I slid down to the floor, I noticed one of the Pike triplets--Adam, as I later found out--run up and karate-kick him square under the chin. I tried to get up and get back into the fight, but a sharp pain went shooting through my back, from the lumbar area up to my left shoulder blade, forcing me onto my right side. "AAH, SHIT!" I screamed through clenched teeth. I was in so much pain, tears came to my eyes. Otherwise, I would've been chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" along with everyone else while Adam was brawling with Matt's assailant.

Through my tears, I saw Vanessa and Buddy helping Matt, being careful not to touch his hand. I wanted to run over to where they were, but the next thing I felt were Bebe and Charlotte pulling me to my feet. I don't know about you, but I can't even describe how glad I was to see them instead of Ms. Halliday, my parents, or worse, the security guards.

"You okay?" Bebe asked anxiously. I nodded, grimacing in pain. I didn't even see Mr. DeYoung and the other team's coach pull Adam and the other kid apart, or one of the other team's cheerleaders hold back the girl I'd fought with. That's how chaotic things were, and it amazes me to this day that it didn't escalate into a full-blown riot.

And what I'd been through was mere child's play compared to what was going to be in store for me.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

_**H**_ave you ever had the feeling that everyone in the room was plotting against you? Well, even though it was just Mom and Dr. Allen, I still felt like they were staring daggers at me. I couldn't even bring myself to look at either of them.

"So, that's how it happened, huh?" Dr. Allen asked. To my surprise, he sounded a lot more gentle than I would've expected. I thought for sure he would've started chewing me out for getting into the fight in the first place.

"Yeah," I mumbled, still avoiding eye contact. I just knew Mom was glaring at me, and still blaming me for the whole mess, just like she'd done at the hospital.

"Haley," Dr. Allen said, clearing his throat, "can I ask you something without offending you?"

"Sure," I answered. That's part of his job, right?

"I know that you felt it was your duty to come to your brother's defense, but did it ever occur to you that you could've handled the situation differently?"

Well, how the hell was I supposed to handle the situation? I mean, if your only sibling was being attacked by someone who was that much bigger than they were, what would you do? That's what I wanted to say, and if I could do it all over again, that's what I would say, but instead, I just shook my head and continued looking at the floor.

"Dr. Allen, could I say something?" Mom interjected.

"Yes, Mrs. Braddock?"

Oh, wonderful. Nothing like being blamed for something that was hardly even your fault to make you feel good about yourself.

"Well, I think Haley still believes that this whole thing is her fault," Mom explained. "You see, when we were at the hospital, I came down on her a little too hard, mostly because I was so upset about Matt getting hurt."

_No shit, Sherlock, _I thought in disgust.

"You weren't thinking clearly, were you?" Dr. Allen asked.

"No, I wasn't," Mom admitted. "Haley, I don't know why I overreacted the way I did that night, and I just want you to know how sorry I am."

"It's okay, Mom," I said softly, but inside, I was still fuming over what had happened.

I was sitting on the examining table with my cheerleading jersey crumpled up in my lap, and all the while, I was trying not to flinch from having my back and shoulder examined or shiver from the cold in the room. Thankfully, the door had no window on it, so I didn't have to worry about someone peeking in on me, but still, as state-of-the-art as Stoneybrook General Hospital always says it is, you'd think they'd at least make sure the damn furnace was working properly.

"Just hold still for a second, Haley, and it'll be over before you know it," Dr. Dellenkamp said soothingly. I was still in pain, but thankfully, it wasn't quite as sharp as before, only when she touched the bruised area. I'm surprised I didn't call her Dr. Torquemada, now that I think about it.

A few minutes later, Dr. Dellenkamp came around the table and stood facing me. "Well, you really lucked out tonight," she informed me. "There's no broken bones."

That was good news, but I was feeling anything but lucky. "How's Matt?" I asked.

"The other doctor's examining him now," Dr. Dellenkamp told me. "Okay, you can put your shirt back on, sweetie."

I had some difficulty with my shirt, because of my injury, but I managed to get it back on. "Dr. Dellenkamp?" I asked. "Could you check on Matt for me?"

"Absolutely," she answered, and left the room.

I sat on the table for a minute or so, knowing that Mom and Dad were still outside, and feeling guilty about what happened to Matt. I was supposed to be looking out for him, but at the same time, I knew he'd be more independent if I gave him more space, and look what happened. I also knew Mom was going to tear me a new one when she came in the room.

A few seconds later, the door flew open, and when Mom came in, she did just that.

"Haley Braddock, what in God's name could you have possibly been thinking?!" she shouted. "You were supposed to be watching your brother, and look what happened to him!"

"I'm sorry," I said. That was all I knew what to say, and I hoped that somehow she would back off just a little. But did she?

No way. Mom spent the next minute and a half jumping down my throat and basically blaming me for the whole thing. I doubted if she even knew that I'd also gotten hurt, or even cared, for that matter. I didn't even bother trying to tell her my side of the story, because she never in a million years would've listened to me.

Mom would've gone on had Dr. Dellenkamp not come back just then, and I could tell she wasn't too happy. "Excuse me, Mrs. Braddock, but I could hear you from all the way down the hall," she said, trying her hardest to keep her anger in check, which really surprised me. If I were her, I really would've let Mom have it, which is exactly what I was itching to do, but because of how much my back and shoulder hurt, along with how guilty I was already feeling before Mom came in, I didn't see any point in defending myself. It only would've been another match on the fire.

"Okay, I'm sorry about that, but my son was seriously hurt tonight," Mom retorted, spitting every one of those words out as if they were mouthfuls of sour milk.

"I understand that, but Haley was also hurt," the doctor went on. "Luckily, she only sustained a bruise on her back--"

Even that wasn't gong to calm Mom down. "Well, Matt has a black eye, a loose tooth, and bruised ribs, not to mention two broken fingers!" she snapped. "So, how the hell is he supposed to sign, huh?"

In that moment, Dr. Dellenkamp did something that surprised both of us: she grabbed Mom by the arm, spun her around and looked her square in the eye. The last time I'd ever seen _anyone_ do that was when Mal was trying to break up a fight between Margo and Claire.

"Mrs. Braddock, I know you're upset, and believe me, you have every right to be," she said. "But blaming Haley won't help the situation."

Miraculously, Mom's anger faded. "You're right," she said softly. Then, turning to me, she added, "I'm so sorry, Haley. I don't know what came over me." For a split second, it almost sounded like her voice was wavering, but I was too angry to really pay that much attention.

_The hell you didn't, _I thought. I felt so humiliated by the whole thing, and I also thought Mom had a lot of _chutzpah _for dumping all this at my doorstep the way she did. Didn't I promise to keep my eye on Matt as much as I could, as well as let him be with his own friends? If that's not being responsible, I don't know what is!

Not only that, but I shuddered to think what was going to happen when word of this got around school, as well as the BSC.

And as for where I would get the most flak, I really couldn't tell you.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

_**N**_one of us said a word on the way home. I spent the entire time staring out the window and sulking about how unfair Mom was being about the whole thing, as well as feeling guilty over Matt getting hurt. As I watched the passing cars on the street, I thought about a lot of things, namely all the stuff I wanted to scream at Mom.

We pulled into the driveway a few minutes later. After I helped Matt out of the car and into the house (which was a real chore, due to how much my back still hurt), I stomped upstairs to my room and slammed the door so hard that the doorframe actually vibrated a little. And no, Mom and Dad don't like hearing doors slam. Well, so what!

I sat on my bed, and was looking for my Gwen Stefani CD to play at full blast, when I heard a knock on the door, and Dad saying, "Haley, open the door a minute. We need to talk."

"Well, there's nothing to talk about, so piss off," I snapped. I'd been dumped on all night, and I really had no desire to hear any more.

Not surprisingly, Dad opened the door and walked right in. "First of all, you watch your mouth with me, sweetheart," he warned. "And second of all, there _is_ something we need to talk about, so that's what we're gonna do."

"You just don't get it, do you?" I shot back, fighting the sobs that were gnawing at my throat. "Matt got beat up at the game, and instead of thanking me for coming to his rescue, Mom blames it all on me, and she doesn't even give a shit that I got thrown against the wall by that kid! Now you'll start dragging me down, too? Well, don't waste your time, 'cause I've had it!"

"For your information, Haley, I was going to tell you that I think your mom was out of line for coming down on you the way she did," Dad told me through clenched teeth. "But the way handled the situation at the game was wrong. You should've gotten the coach or a security guard if you saw that Matt was in trouble, but instead, you took matters into your own hands, and you wind up getting hurt as well."

"Well, after tonight, no bully would dare mess with my brother again," I retorted, clenching my fists to the point where my knuckles were turning white. "And if they do, _they're_ gonna be ones needing a doctor."

"Okay, Haley," Dad sighed. "I'm obviously not going to get you to admit that you made the wrong choice, so why don't you sit up here and think things over. And believe me, we will discuss this _very _thoroughly in the morning."

I shrugged, and Dad left the room. As I put on the CD and laid back on my bed, part of me realized that Dad was right about what I'd done, but like he'd also said, I wasn't about to admit I was partly at fault.

I never really dreaded going to school before. Honestly, I think the last time I'd been there was when I got sick at a Krushers game. You see, I'd been feeling more than a little under the weather that day, namely an upset stomach and dizziness, and well, being the Einstein that I was, I decided to suck it up and go to the game anyway. Obviously the wrong decision, and I'll spare you the details.

If I had a choice, I'd have much rather gone through that ordeal again than face everybody at school on Monday morning.

I'd just gotten to homeroom and sat down at my desk when Mr. Redmont came in. I knew right away that he'd heard all about what happened at the game, and sure enough, the first thing he did was motion for me to come up to his desk.

"Haley, I just finished talking with Mr. Kingbridge, and he wants to see you right away," he told me, very calmly, I might add. He didn't show any emotion whatsoever. I figured the real fireworks would be from Mr. Kingbridge.

As I walked down the hall to his office, I noticed the other kids slowly backing away from me, whispering to each other, and avoiding all eye contact, as if I were a ticking time bomb that could go off any second. I even heard someone whisper, "Boy, I wouldn't wanna piss _her _off."

Does word travel fast around here or what?  
When I got to the office, I saw Mr. Kingbridge's door standing open, which meant, "Get in here right now." After collecting myself, I walked inside to find Mr. Kingbridge at his desk, Ms. Halliday sitting beside the desk, and Adam sitting in one of the two chairs in front of it.

"Sit down, Haley," Mr. Kingbridge told me, pointing to the empty chair beside Adam. I knew we were both in real deep shit, and I sat and braced myself for the tongue-lashing of my life.

"First of all, Ms. Halliday and I just finished discussing what happened at the game over the weekend," Mr. Kingbridge began. "And before we tell you our decision as to what needs to be done, we'd like to hear your side of it, so you'd better start talking."

"Okay," I said. "I was in the bathroom washing my hands, and Vanessa ran in and told me that someone was beating up Matt. When I got there, the kid jumped on Matt's hand, and I got on his back and started scratching him. He shoved me off, then one of the other team's cheerleaders and I were going at it, and the kid who'd jumped Matt threw me against the wall, and then he and Adam started fighting."

As I was talking, I saw the look on Mr. Kingbridge's face going back and forth between disbelief and fury. Part of me wondered if he was going to actually pick up the desk and throw it across the room. Ms. Halliday, on the other hand, just kept shaking her head and looking at the floor. I think she was waiting for Mr. Kingbridge to blow his stack just like I was.

Well, Mr. Kingbridge didn't throw anything his office or start screaming like a banshee, but he was still pissed. "Do either of you have _any_ idea what you've caused here?" he demanded. "Thanks to you, Lawrenceville's team will probably never play us again! Furthermore, when I first came into work this morning, I spent over two hours on the phone with first their principal, then their coach, _and_ those two kids' parents, begging them not to file charges! And you'll love this part: after I finally got done, I started wondering if I was going deaf!"

Mr. Kingbridge read us the riot act for what seemed like forever, then gave us our punishment: Adam was suspended from playing the next two 8th-grade basketball games, and I was given a week's worth of detention from gym class. Why he didn't suspend us both is beyond me.

"Okay," Mr. Kingbridge said. "You can go to class now."

Silently, Adam and I got up and left the office. Out in the hall, Adam caught up with me. "It could've been worse, you know," he pointed out.

Upon hearing that, I whipped around and gave Adam one of my most menacing glares. "'It could've been worse'?" I asked incredulously. "That's_ it?" _Then, laughing in disbelief, I added, "My back still hurts like a son of a bitch, my brother has a hand broken in two places, and all you can say is it could've been worse?!"

"Well, I think they went pretty easy on you, don't you?" Adam asked. "If it'll make you feel any better, when my folks heard about this, they practically gave themselves a stroke from yelling at me."

"Aww, poor Adam," I sneered, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Adam barked, blocking my path. "What do you mean, poor Adam? Did your folks make you spend the next six weekends baby-sitting your bratty little siblings? Did your coach threaten to kick you off the team if you got into another fight? Well, did they?!"

Dead silence.

I won't lie to you, in all the years I'd known Adam Pike, this was the first time I'd ever heard him yell like that.

"I know you don't believe me when I say this, but you should consider yourself lucky!" Adam railroaded on. "Most kids who get into fights like that one either get kicked out of school or sent to juvie! Now, whether you see it that way or not, you should still consider yourself lucky! Face it, Haley, you got away with murder! Get your head out of your ass!" And after a few more seconds of glaring at each other, he turned around and stormed down the hall toward his homeroom just as I started making my way up to the second floor.

All this for trying to protect my brother.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

_**F**_or the rest of the day, I could definitely tell that people were making an effort not to mention that fight at the game, as a favor to me. Now, don't get me wrong, I was glad they weren't going to bring it up, but it would've been much better than being given the silent treatment everywhere I went. The only ones who talked to me at all were Vanessa, Charlotte, and Danielle.

Now that I look back on it, I'm well aware that it should've been a wake-up call for me to at least try to control my temper, which I needed to do. But instead, it just pushed me further into self-pity and denial. Okay, I know a lot of you think I was being a whiny, selfish little brat, and I totally agree with you, but at the time, I was too caught up in my own crap to realize it, or even care, for that matter.

Which is why I shouldn't have gone to the BSC meeting after school.

I didn't have much homework, except for finishing chapter 8 of _Dandelion Wine_ for English class. Thankfully, I was almost done reading that chapter anyway, and it only took me 15 minutes to get through it. After I put the book in my bag, I got my coat and headed for the door. I had a meeting to go to.

When I opened the door, I found a Post-It stuck beside the knob and unfolded it. Right away, I knew it was from Matt, because he has probably _the_ most recognizable handwriting. It said, _Haley, thank you so much for helping me. You're the best sister in the whole world. Love, Matt._

I'll tell you, my heart just melted after reading that. For once, someone was actually grateful for what I'd done, as opposed to everyone else. I don't know why, but somehow, I had a feeling the other Baby-sitters would feel the same way when I got to the meeting.

And boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

"This meeting of the Baby-sitters Club is now in session," Kristy announced. "Before we get started, today's Monday, and you all know what that means."

"Well, at the Stevenson house, Monday is _latke _and _shaloch manot _night," Abby joked. Normally, I would've laughed myself silly along with everyone else, but after today, I really didn't feel like laughing. I know nobody else did, either.

"And it's also time for dues," Stacey reminded us.

After we all paid up, Kristy cleared her throat and said, "Okay, first things first. We heard about what happened at the game over the weekend, and I, for one, am shocked."

I didn't look in Kristy's direction, because I knew she was waiting for her turn to bawl me out. And well, with Kristy being Kristy, that's what she does best.

"Haley?" Kristy asked. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

I could feel the skin on the back of my neck tightening, and my heart pounding like a jackhammer. Although I was looking at the floor, I knew they were all staring at me, and they weren't going to let it go until I started explaining, or better yet, admitted that I had a problem.

But what do I say instead?

"Aw, why bother?" Then, looking up, I added, "There's really nothing to say, you guys. Trust me."

There. I said it. It wasn't what they were wanting to hear, obviously, but it was better than nothing.

Mary Anne bit her lip, just like I knew she would. As long as I've known Mary Anne, she's always done that before she says something that she knows is going to ruffle someone's feathers. "That's, uh--that's a pretty low thing to say, don't you think?" she inquired.

"Well, what am I supposed to say?"

"Oh, I dunno, Haley," Mal answered. I could tell she was getting in a real pissy mood. "How about something along the lines of 'I'm sorry'?"

And I was sorry, but not for what I did, and how much trouble I'd caused. I was sorry Matt got hurt, I was sorry I got into trouble for coming to his rescue, and I was also sorry for having everyone coming down on me like this.

That's when the phone rang. "Baby-sitters Club," Charlotte answered. It was Mrs. Newton needing a sitter for Jamie and Lucy on Saturday afternoon. Since Vanessa was the only one free, she took the job.

After that was done, Mal went back to trying to get me to admit that I was wrong, which I wasn't about to do. "Adam told me what Mr. Kingbridge said to you two this morning," she said testily. "He also said you didn't appreciate how generous Mr. Kingbridge and Ms. Halliday were. Did you know that Ms. Halliday could've very easily kicked you off the squad and not given it a second thought? And did you also know that Mr. DeYoung told Adam he was off the team if something like this happened again?"

That did it. Nobody, not even the BSC, of all people, was cutting me any slack. "I can't believe you!" I exploded, jumping to my feet. "Now _you're_ trying to pin all this on me! Let me tell you something, I have spent years, _years_ of my life trying to protect Matt and let him have some independence, and this is the thanks I get?! What kind of holier than thou bullshit do you think you're giving me!"

"Okay, hold it!" Jessi commanded, doing the same and walking over towards me. "Look, Haley, nobody's blaming you for Matt getting beat up."

"You don't say," I snorted.

"No, I'm serious. If I were you, I'd wanna kick ass and take names myself," Jessi went on. "And I know how much you love your brother. I love him, too. We all do. But this isn't the way to do it."

"Well, what was I supposed to do, wait for that prick to throw him through a window?" I challenged Jessi. I could practically feel steam coming out of my ears.

"That's enough!" Claud boomed. "Both of you, sit down. NOW." As soon as Claud said that, both Jessi and I sat down in record time. Claud doesn't raise her voice very often, and it's never easy to tell when she's about to do so. But when she does, you better watch out.

Kristy then took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. I knew that look all to well, and if I had a dollar for every time she's looked at me that way, I could take the whole seventh grade to Six Flags. "Okay, Haley," she began, as softly as she could manage. "I've been thinking this over all day, and before I tell you what I'm going to do, I just want you to know how much we feel for you and your brother, and how sorry we are for what you've just been through. Believe me, nobody deserves to be treated that way, especially Matt. Anyway, here's what's going to happen: since you're already scheduled for three jobs in the next few days, you can go ahead and take those, but for the good of our club, as well as our clients, our charges, and for your own good, that's it. Until you figure out just exactly what the hell's going on with you, you are under orders from all of us to take some time off. That means no coming to meetings, and no more sitting jobs for now. Should we need extra help--and I can assure you, we will--we'll call our associate members. And one more thing. If you so much as push someone at your school, and we hear about it, you're out of here. You get me?"

I nodded. I should've thrown myself to the floor and started kissing Kristy's feet for not kicking me out of the club on the spot, but inside, I felt nothing but resentment. I resented Matt for being deaf, even though I knew damn well he couldn't help it and neither could anyone else. I resented Mom, Adam, Mr. Kingbridge, and Ms. Halliday for making me feel like I was the one who did something wrong, and in a way, they were right. But most of all, I resented the BSC for shutting me out. And I always thought I could at least rely on them. It's kind of funny how something like pride, or lack thereof, has a way of burning bridges between you and your family and friends, and you never stop to notice those bridges collapsing in a smoldering heap and leaving you stranded, until it's too late.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

_**M**_y eyes wandered over to the window, and I saw that it had just started raining. Sometimes, depending on what kind of mood I'm in, rain is something I find relaxing. Other times, I feel just as gloomy as the weather. And this was one of those times.

"Haley?" Dr. Allen's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"I asked you how you felt at your meeting that day," he said.

Truthfully, I felt like the other Baby-sitters had basically left me in the dust, but instead, I just shrugged.

"Did you think that your friends were treating you unfairly when they told you that?" Dr. Allen asked, reaching for his teacup.

I could hear that whole discussion playing over and over again in my head like a broken record, and it took everything I had not to let those feelings come back. "A little," I finally admitted.

"I could be wrong, but I think the reason why they gave you that ultimatum was because they were afraid you'd lose your temper with a kid you were in charge of, and didn't want to take that risk," Dr. Allen suggested. "Have you thought of that?"

"Haley?" Mom prompted.

I brushed my hair out of my eyes. "I suppose," I sighed. "Well, you see, the thing is, I'd never blow my stack while baby-sitting, but after everything I've been through, Kristy wanted to make sure that didn't happen. And don't get me wrong, I see her point, but I still didn't expect her to say what she said."

Dr. Allen nodded, and made a note on his pad. "What were you expecting to hear?" he asked.

"I don't know, to tell you the truth," I admitted. "I'm just glad Kristy still let me take the sitting jobs I'd already been given."

One of those jobs took place at the Salems' house, and not only did it give me something to do with my time, but it also helped me get my mind off of things.

As soon as school let out for the following Monday, I started walking toward the Salems'. I've always loved sitting for them. They have three-year-old twins, Ricky and Rose, and they're a lot of fun. Not only are they pretty well-behaved, but they're almost always singing, dancing, and putting on little shows for us Baby-sitters, kind of like the Perkins girls. And after my crapfest of a week, I really could've used something to cheer me up.

When I arrived at their house and rang the doorbell, I heard two pairs of little feet running toward the door and the sound of someone starting to unlock the deadbolt.

"Hey, guys?" I heard Mrs. Salem's voice call. "What do you say?"

"Oh, yeah," I heard Ricky answer. "Who is it?"  
"It's me, Haley," I answered.

"Mommy, it's Haley," I heard Rose say. "Can we _please _open the door now?"

"Go ahead," Mrs. Salem answered.

Despite the foul mood I was in, I still managed to stifle a laugh. You see, Mary Anne once told us that when she first sat for the Prezziosos, Jenny had started to open the door without asking who it was first, and her mom had actually asked Mary Anne to ring the doorbell again so Jenny could answer the door the way she'd been taught. That's one story we still find funny to this day.

Anyway, the door opened, and there stood Ricky and Rose. "Hi, Haley!" they squealed, throwing their arms around me.

"Hey, you guys," I smiled.

"Come on in, Haley," Mrs. Salem called. I walked in and shut the door just as Mrs. Salem came rushing in. "Thanks for coming, dear," she said. "I just got back from picking the kids up from preschool, and now I need to pick their father up from work, with his car being in the shop and all. There's cucumber slices and cottage cheese for their snack in about two minutes. Oh, and Rosie's getting over a cold, so keep them inside at all times."

"No problem," I answered, and Mrs. Salem was out the door in no time flat. She must have been in quite a hurry.

As soon as Mrs. Salem pulled out of the driveway, I turned to face the twins. "So, uh, how have you two been?" I asked.

"Fine," Ricky answered. "Rose has a cold."

"Yeah, your mommy told me that before she left," I said. Then, I knelt down to Rose's level, being careful not to get too close, and asked, "How are you feeling, babe?"

"A little better," Rose said, sniffling a bit. "Mommy says I have to stay inside until it goes away."

"Oh, that's no fun," I said sympathetically. "I remember one time when I was five and had chicken pox. I had to stay inside for two weeks!"

"Two weeks! That's almost forever!" Ricky exclaimed.

"Yeah, it sure felt like it," I agreed. "So, are you guys hungry?"

In one second flat, Ricky and Rose had made a beeline for the kitchen and were sitting at the little island next to the washer and dryer. "I'll take that as a yes," I commented as I opened the fridge, and in a few minutes, we were all having cucumber slices, cottage cheese, and chocolate milk, which I am absolutely addicted to. Betsy Sobak once told me that if there were such a thing as 12-step programs for chocolate milk junkies, I could sure use one.

"Daddy's car isn't feeling well, either," Rose said, between bites of her snack. "He said it sounded like it has brontikis."

"That's bron-_chi-_tis, actually," I corrected her.

"What's that?" Ricky asked.

"It's when you can't stop coughing and your chest feels all funny," I said. "You know how sometimes water can't go down the drain because there's something stuck in the pipe? It's kind of like that."

"Yuck," Ricky said.

"I know," I agreed. "I remember when Margo and Claire Pike had that. Their brother said they sounded like a couple of lawn mowers with rocks stuck in the motor."

Upon hearing that, the twins laughed hysterically, and Rose managed to spew a little bit of cottage cheese across the surface of the island. Thankfully, it didn't land on me, and it was easy to wipe up.

Amidst the laughter, I heard my cell phone ring from my coat pocket, and ran to the hall tree to get it. _"So, you had a bad day..." _it sang.

"Well, I could've told you that," I muttered as I hit the talk button. "Hello?"

I was answered by a loud fit of coughing and a pitiful-sounding voice saying, "Hi, it's Charlotte."

"Hi. No offense, but you really sound like shit," I said, softly enough so the twins wouldn't hear me. The last thing I needed right now was them hearing me say a swear word and telling their parents about it.

"None taken," Charlotte groaned. "I really feel like shit, too."

"Uh-oh, bronchitis?"

"Yup."

"Oh, that must suck," I said. "I guess this means you won't be able to make it to the next game either, huh?"

"I'm afraid not," Charlotte agreed. "This has gotta be my fifth cup of herbal tea as well as my tenth trip to the bathroom. And you know what? If you saw what was coming out, you'd probably have to quarantine the whole house."

"Uh, TMI, Charlotte," I pointed out. That's something we cheerleaders sometimes say whenever one of us is getting ready to say something embarassing or gross.

"Oh, right," Charlotte remembered. "Uh, listen, the reason I'm calling is beecause I was supposed to baby-sit for the Prezziosos tomorrow after school, but obviously, I can't, so--"

I don't know what possessed me to say what I said next. Maybe I was doing it to spite Kristy for telling me not to baby-sit for a while, or maybe the Prezziosos hadn't found another sitter yet. Damned if I know. All I knew was I really needed something to do with my time since I couldn't even cheer for the next few games.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," I interrupted. "I'll call Mrs. P as soon as I get done here."

"But Kristy said not to take any more jobs for a while!" Charlotte protested.

"I don't care," I shot back. "You're sick, they need a sitter, so I'm doing it. And you better not tell Kristy, or else!" And with that, I hung up before Charlotte could say another word. It wasn't until I put my phone away that I started to feel guilty. I mean, I'd just disobeyed Kristy's order not to take any more jobs, and also made Charlotte promise to keep quiet about it. Smart thinking, huh?

"Is something wrong, Haley?" I heard Rose ask.

"Huh? No, I was just talking to Charlotte about homework," I lied. "Listen, I'm gonna go put our dishes in the sink. Could you guys wait for me in the playroom?"

"Sure!" Ricky smiled. "Mommy got us a new Sit-n-Spin! Want to try it?"

"Okay, I'll be right with you," I said as they scampered downstairs. After they got to the bottom step, I cleared the island, then rushed to the bathroom, locked the door, sat on the edge of the tub, and started crying. I was still upset over what happened to Matt at the game in Lawrenceville, not to mention Mom blaming it on me, and the punishment Adam and I were given. And that wasn't all. I also couldn't believe what I'd just done, and I didn't even want to think about what was going to happen when, or if, Kristy found out.

After a while, I pulled myself together, washed my face and headed downstairs to the playroom. Luckily, the twins couldn't tell I'd been crying, and I wasn't about to give them any impression that anything was wrong. I needed to finish my sitting job, and one way or another, I was going to finish it without any more worries. Believe me, I had more than enough things to worry about already.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

_**"'B**_ye, Haley!" Ricky called from the kitchen as I made my way to the door.

"'Bye, you guys," I answered.

"Thanks again, Haley," Mr. Salem told me. "The car should be ready tomorrow, at the latest."

"Good," I said. "I hope they find what's wrong with it."

"Yeah, me too," Mr. Salem agreed as he paid me. "If I have to spend one bus ride listening to that creepy old lady singing 'Yellow Rose of Texas', I'm just gonna go ballsitic. Well, we'll be seeing you."

"'Bye," I laughed, and he closed the door.

Somehow, I'd gotten through the rest of the job without the twins or their parents thinking anything was wrong. On the way home, however, I couldn't stop feeling like the world's most dishonest excuse for a sitter for what I'd done. And I was also positive that Charlotte was on the phone with Kristy, and they were arguing over who would get to kick me out of the BSC, and I'd bet anything they were even playing rock-paper-scissors to decide.

The house was empty when I got home, which meant Dad was still at work, and Mom was taking Matt to the doctor to look at his hand, so they didn't know what was going on. And I wasn't about to let them find out, either.

"Okay," I said to myself. "You're the first one home, Braddock, so just get a grip here. Just call the Prezziosos, tell them you'll baby-sit for Miss Brat and Miss Saint, and no one will be the wiser...Oh, God, I'm starting to sound like Mr. Brewer!"

I had just entered the kitchen to check the answering machine (no messages, thank God) when the phone on the wall rang. I screamed, jumping about three feet and almost knocking over the blender with my elbow. Talk about knocking five years off your life!

As soon as I got my head back, I walked over and answered it. "Hello?" I said uneasily. Believe me, I was _so_ not looking forward to hearing who was on the other end of the line.

"Haley, you IDIOT!" I heard Stacey's voice explode. There go another five years!

"I guess Charlotte told you, huh?" I groaned. Part of me was glad it wasn't Kristy, but that didn't mean I wasn't in big trouble. And I mean BIG trouble.

"You might say that!" Stacey snapped. "Before you even _try_ to convince me not to go spilling the beans to Kristy, I want you to tell me right now just what the hell was going through that Jell-O mold you call a head when you told Charlotte you'd take that job at the Prezziosos' after we told you not to!"

What could I do? Deny it? Tell Stacey that Charlotte misunderstood me? Pretend there was a bad connection? To tell you the truth, I considered doing all three.

But what did I do instead? You guessed it, go into defensive mode. "Hey, I'm not the one who got sick!" I retorted. "So what are you getting on my case for?"

"Oh, I dunno, how about because you promised us that you'd take some time off so you could get your shit together and then went behind Kristy's back?" Stacey suggested angrily.

"Well, what if nobody else was available?"

"That's why we have _associates, _Miss Fix-It."

"Especially the associates."

"That's not the point, Haley!" Stacey yelled. I bet she was wishing she could reach through the phone and wring my neck. "The point is, you lied to us. You looked all of us in the eye, and you lied to us. Do you have _any_ idea how Kristy's gonna take this when she finds out?"

"Not well," I mumbled.

"Not well?" Stacey repeated. "When she gets done with you, you'll be lucky if you're able to baby-sit for Claire Pike's grandkids!"

Immediately, panic rushed through me. Stacey was actually considering telling Kristy what I did and make sure I never baby-sat again, just because I was stepping in for Charlotte. "You wouldn't dare rat on me!" I challenged her.

"Oh, wouldn't I? Believe me, Haley, I'd like nothing more than to bring Kristy over there just so she could see me throw you into the fire. But since you had a good reason for doing what you did, I'll let it slide."

_Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou,_ I thought in relief. I was almost positive I was as good as dead. "But what about the Prezzioso job?" I asked once I was able to get control of myself.

"I'll leave that to Mary Anne, since she's the only one free," Stacey answered. "And I won't tell Kristy, but if you pull a stunt like that again, I will. Am I clear?"

"Yes," I managed to squeak out.

"Good. And don't even think about coming to the next meeting, either!" And she hung up on me.

I knew I'd screwed up big-time. Not only did I try to take a job when I had no business doing so, but I'd also put Stacey in a position where she basically had to keep the other BSC members in the dark about the whole thing. Some sitter I was turning out to be!

I tried my hardest to put the whole thing out of my mind as I opened the fridge, got a green apple from the crisper, and rinsed it off under the faucet. Not surprisingly, I didn't taste a thing.

You know what? As long as I live, I don't think I'll ever know how I was able to get through the rest of that day. Do you know how hard it is to convince your family that nothing's wrong after having one of your fellow sitters basically rip you to shreds? Well, that's what I had to do, and somehow, I managed to pull it off. Honest to God, I think I deserve to win an Oscar for that.

Also, I managed to get through the next morning at school okay. On my way to history class, I ran into Jake Kuhn. (In case you're wondering, like Charlotte, Jake was able to skip a grade, so he's in seventh, instead of sixth.)

"Hi, Jake," I said.

"Hi," he answered. "You look pretty today."

"Thanks," I smiled, blushing. That's the one thing I've always liked about Jake. Not only does he always have something nice to say, but unlike a lot of the guys in our grade, he's also a _lot_ more considerate of other people's feelings. And best of all, he's as cute as a button. "Oh, I talked to Charlotte's mom last night, and she said Charlotte should be feeling better by tomorrow morning."

"That's great," Jake said. "Oh, how's Matt been doing?"

"He's still got the cast on for another three weeks, and he won't go out of the house alone anymore, except for school," I answered.

"Poor Matt," Jake said sympathetically. "I think I know how he feels. I went through something like that before I lost weight."

I felt a twinge of sympathy for Jake. You see, when I first knew him, he had a bit of a weight problem, and the other kids just treated him horribly, especially Bart Taylor's old softball team, the Bashers. To this day, those two kids who were making fun of Jake and Matt have no idea how close I was to knocking them into next week. Sure, I would've gotten in trouble, but it would've felt great.

"Yeah, I remember that," I said. "I even remember when you got into that fight at recess trying to help out that one kid."

"Me, too," Jake recalled.

"You know, until then, I'd never seen you get that pissed off at someone. Even _I_ backed off when I saw you coming down the hall!"

"Really? Wow," Jake commented. Then, fidgeting a little and clearing his throat, he added, "Look, uh--I was wondering if you'd like to sit together at lunch today."

Wow, you should've seen the look on my face when Jake asekd me that. This was the first time a boy had ever shown me that kind of interest outside of how I looked or how far I'd go with them, if you know what I mean. "Sure," I finally managed to say. "I'd love to."

"Great. See you then," Jake grinned, and we walked down the hall to class.

For once, somebody actually seemed to care about my situation, as opposed to a lot of people who thought I was in the wrong, which I was, in a way. But once again, my better judgment took a backseat to my protective nature towards Matt, and I was too stubborn to admit that I was part of the problem. In my mind, nobody understood what I was going through, or even wanted to hear my side of the story.

Now that I look back on this whole thing, I think what happened after school two days later was what needed to happen.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This contains references from the _ER _Season 6 finale.

**CHAPTER 9**

_**"S**_o how did that make you feel when Stacey yelled at you like that?" Dr. Allen asked.

_God, this guy asks more stupid questions than Ryan DeWitt! _I thought in exasperation. "Well, I knew I shouldn't have tried to take that job, but Charlotte was sick, and I had to do something," I admitted.

Dr. Allen finished what he was writing, then continued, "Any other reason, Haley?"

"Uh, like what?"

"Haley, just answer his question, okay?" Mom admonished me.

Enough.

I had had enough.

Enough of this man asking me questions that were embarassing, invasive, or just plain dumb, enough of having Mom breathing down my neck, enough of being shunned by my friends and the BSC, and most of all, enough of the guilt over what happened to Matt, even though it wasn't technically my fault, but I still felt responsible. And now this.

"What do you want me to say, huh?" I snapped as I smacked the arm of the couch. "You want me to tell you I did it out of spite?! That I wanted to get back at Kristy and everyone else for how they'd treated me?! That I wanted Charlotte to think I was being a selfish, vindictive bitch?! Fine! That's why I did it! And dammit, I'd do it again if I had the chance! Is everybody happy now!"

If you were to ask me how long I spent ranting and raving like that, I have no idea. All I know is I felt so much better when I was finished.

I stopped for a minute to catch my breath, avoiding eye contact with both Mom and Dr. Allen all the while. Even though I was well aware of how upset they were for my outburst, I couldn't have cared less. I needed to get what I was feeling off my chest, and if they didn't like it, well, tough shit for them.

"Are you all right now?" Dr. Allen asked, in that same gentle voice he'd been using since we began. It amazes me to this day that he didn't tell me off for snapping at him the way I did.

"Yes," I answered, still looking away. I wasn't about to look at either of them and see just how pissed off they probably were. And the fact that the only sound in the room was the clock on the wall didn't help much, either.

"Haley," Dr. Allen finally said, "why did you get so angry just now? Did something besides the ordeal at the game happen?"

As soon as he asked me that, I knew exactly what he wanted me to talk about. And while part of me knew I was going to have to bring it up sooner or later, I still wish I didn't have to.

I was in the gym after school, shooting hoops, since I was still on detention from gym class. That, and also exercising in any way usually helps me vent my anger and frustration, both of which I still had. In fact, I was imaging that the ball was the head of the kid who'd attacked Matt, and the backboard was Kristy. Needless to say, I didn't make many baskets.

I just finished playing and was taking a drink of Propel (black cherry, my favorite flavor) when I saw Danielle standing in front of me. "Haley, do you have a minute?" she asked.

"No," I said briskly. "I don't have anything to say to anybody, so I'm going home."

"Not yet," Danielle said. "We need to talk."

Immediately, I became suspicious. I didn't know if by "we", Danielle meant just the two of us, or more. "What, did Mr. Kingbridge change his mind and decide to suspend me after all?" I inquired.

"Just come with me," Danielle told me, and the next thing I knew, I was following my teammate out of the gym and into the athletic director's office.

Had I known what was waiting for me in there, I would've told Danielle to shove it and left, but like I'd said earlier, maybe, in a way, this was what needed to happen.

Anyway, Danielle and I walked into the office, and there they stood: Ms. Halliday, Charlotte, and Vanessa. Right then and there, I knew they'd all planned this behind my back, and this was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

"Aw, Christ!" I groaned. "Would you give me a break!"

"Haley, just listen to us," Ms. Halliday said as Danielle stopped me from walking out the door.

"Just hear her out," Danielle added quietly.

But I was in no mood to hear anyone out. "No, I already agreed not to come to class, and that's what I'm doing," I told Ms. Halliday, and again started for the door.

"Haley!" another voice said sternly. I looked, and standing near the desk was Mr. DeYoung. "I suggest you listen to what your coach and teammates have to say to you."

Sure, why not? I figured the sooner I let them say their piece, the sooner I could get the hell out of there. I just wanted it to be over.

"I just got off the phone with your parents," Ms. Halliday began. "They're on their way over here. They know of a therapist in New Haven who specializes in treating adolescents with emotional issues--"

"Well, that's wonderful," I interrupted, "but you said I needed to take some time off, and I think you all know that's a far cry from needing a shrink."

"I'm not finished!"

_Whoa. _Anytime Ms. Halliday talks like that, she means business, and this was no exception.

"It's been obvious for a while that you have an anger management problem," she continued. "Therefore, we can no longer allow you to continue cheerleading at sporting events here or anywhere else. So you have two choices: wait for your parents, listen to what they have to say, and go with them to see this therapist. And when all is said and done, you have our word that we'll give you whatever support you need."

"Or?"

"I think you know what your other choice is, Haley," Ms. Halliday said. Not angrily, not being condescending, just telling it like it was. And yes, I knew what my other choice was. If I didn't do what they said, I was off the squad.

"Everybody here cares about you," Mr. DeYoung said. "No one is judging you."

Ha! Who the hell were they kidding? They didn't see their only sibling get the crap knocked out of him just because he couldn't hear anything. They didn't get blamed for the whole thing by their own mother, or treated shabbily by their best friends in the world. And they certainly didn't have to put up with the amount of bullshit I've been putting up with for as long as I could remember.

"Yes, you are," I retorted. I could feel the anger boiling inside me, and I was fighting it. "You're all judging me. You have _no _idea what I've been through this past week. But I did what you expected of me. I never made excuses, or complained, or asked for favors. None of that."

"That's not the point," Danielle tried to interject.

"Excuse me, but that _is _the point!" I barged on. "Can anybody here say that I've changed in any way? I mean, do any of you honestly believe I would go after someone else? You think I'm losing my grip on reality?"

For a moment, nobody said a word. It was as if they were afraid that the next thing they had to tell me would make me explode.

"Haley," Charlotte said timidly, "you tried to take that job at the Prezziosos' after Kristy specifically told you not to."

"Yeah, so what?" I challenged Charlotte. By this point, I was right up in her face. "You got put on cafeteria duty for dumping butterscotch pudding down Sara Hill's blouse last week. Is this about doing something stupid? Who here hasn't done something stupid?" Then, turning to Vanessa, who was silent the whole time, I added, "Hell, I still remember those God-awful hairstyles you gave us in fourth grade!"

"Haley, we've seen a big difference in how you've been acting," Danielle sharply pointed out.

"Oh, yeah? When?"

"Well, I think the fight at the game in Lawrenceville is a good enough example."

"Well, I did what I had to do, and that son of a bitch will think long and hard before he lays a hand on someone like Matt again!"

"Oh, please, Haley!" Danielle exclaimed in disbelief. "Listen to what you're saying! Why won't you admit that you're just looking for someone else to blame besides yourself, like you always do? Because you know that's what you're doing!"

That was all I needed to hear. I knew if I didn't get out of that office right then and there, things were going to get ugly. "Uh, you know what?" I said, as softly as I could. "You know what? Forget it. Just forget it." And I started for the door. This time, Danielle moved out of the way.

"This is your only chance, Haley," Ms. Halliday called after me.

"Fine, I quit!" I snapped, and I was out of there in no time flat. On the way to the locker room, I kicked over a wet floor sign, hoping that someone would slip and give me something to laugh at. Believe me, it would serve them right!

I'd just flung open my locker and was yanking out my coat and bag when I heard the door open. "Where are you going?" Vanessa demanded.

"I don't need this shit," I growled, putting my coat on and slamming the locker. "I don't need any of it. I wanted to be a cheerleader, I wanted to have fun, but I sure as hell can do without the third degree."

"Haley, don't do this."

"I'm not doin' anything, you are," I barked. Then I shoved my way past Vanessa and stormed out of the room. I didn't want to hear any more of what they had to say. I just wanted to be left alone.

No sooner had I kicked open the front door to the gym building and started down the steps did Vanessa run out after me. "Haley, wait!" she called.

"Get away from me!"

"What, you're just gonna piss it all away? Everything you've worked for in the last eight months?"

"Oh, yeah? And what'd it get me, Vanessa?!" I yelled. "My parents hate me, none of you guys will talk to me, and my brother's afraid of his own shadow!"

"That's not what's happening, and you know it!" Vanessa retorted. "Now get back inside!"

"Try and make me, poet girl," I sneered.

"You don't wanna do this!"

"They tell you I'm some kind of nutcase, and not only do you believe them, but you stand there and let them gang up on me!" I shouted accusingly.

"Haley, you're out of control!" Vanessa shouted back, darting in front of me. "If you don't wanna accept it, then that's your problem! But you're coming back inside!" And she grabbed my arm.

_No, you didn't, _I thought. _You did _not_ just put your hands on me, you bitch. _I yanked my arm loose. Vanessa tried to grab me two more times, and I fought free each time. My eyes were filled with rage. My whole body, head to toe, was shaking uncontrollably. I could also feel my fists clenching, and I was literally forcing them to stay open, but no matter how hard I tried, they just wouldn't obey.

For a moment, Vanessa and I stood facing each other, gasping for breath.

"What's it gonna take, huh?" Vanessa panted. "This time, fighting; next time, you wind up in the hospital, juvie, or God forbid, like your uncle, doing time for stabbing a guy with a broken cocktail glass--"

That did it. As soon as Vanessa dared to mention my Uncle Chris, all self-control vanished in an instant, and the next thing I knew, I saw my fist connect with her chin, knocking her backward into the snow. It wasn't until I saw Vanessa pick herself up and brush herself off that I realized what I'd done: I'd just hit my best friend.

That was all it took to make me fully understand just how low I'd sunk.

"You want to fight, Haley? Fine," Vanessa said calmly. "But either way, you're getting your ass back inside."

In that moment, all my anger, denial, resentment, and self-pity melted away, and I started crying my eyes out. It was the kind of deep, loud crying that comes after you've been bottling up your problems for so long, which was what I'd been doing. I can't even begin to tell you how great it felt to finally let it all out.

Vanessa put her arms around me, and I sobbed into her shoulder. "It's all right, hon," she whispered, sighing with relief. "It's all right, Haley." After a few more minutes of holding me and letting me cry for as long as I needed to, we walked back inside to face whatever was yet to come.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This is the last chapter. Also, there are a couple references to _M.A.S.H: Goodbye, Farewell, Amen_ and an episode during the fourth season of _ER._

**CHAPTER 10**

_**H**_ave you ever had one of those times where you were crying and crying your eyes out, and no matter what, you just couldn't stop? I think probably the last time I'd been there was at grandfather's funeral, Dad's father, specifically. I was a sobbing mess for the entire day, and it lasted for almost a week straight. It was the closest I'd ever been to having a nervous breakdown. And you know what? If I had a choice, I'd would've much rather gone through that ordeal again than what I was going through now.

"I didn't mean to hit Vanessa!" I managed to gasp between sobs. "I didn't!...I--I just wanted her to leave me alone!"

"Oh, Haley, come here," Mom said soothingly, putting her arms around me. I buried my face into her shoulder and just sobbed my heart out. I couldn't help it. I felt so ashamed of how I'd been acting, everything I'd done, and what I was turning into. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that my protective nature towards Matt, not to mention my commitment to the BSC, would turn me into someone I didn't even know.

After I was finally able to calm down, I turned slowly to Dr. Allen to find him handing me a Kleenex. I took it and wiped my eyes.

"Are you okay now, Haley?" he asked.

I nodded. Even though I knew I had to talk about what happened that day, I couldn't stop myself from getting angry at Dr. Allen for basically dragging it out of me.

"You bastard," I accused him, fighting to keep my voice steady. "Why did you make me remember that?"

"You needed to get it out in the open," Dr. Allen answered. "And that's the first step. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah," I whispered.

"How are you feeling now?" Dr. Allen continued. "If you were to tell me in one word how you're feeling, what would it be?"

I sighed. Honestly, I felt like my mind was a half-done jigsaw puzzle that was shoved off a table with some of the pieces rolling under the rug. "I don't know," I confessed.

"I think she feels regret for what she's done," Mom suggested. Then, turning to me, she asked, "What do you think?"

"Well, I suppose," I mumbled.

"Okay, that's a start," Dr. Allen said. "We can build on that." Then, turning to Mom, he added, "Well, Mrs. Braddock, do you think that's enough for today?"

"Yes," Mom answered. "I think it is."

"Okay," he said. "If it's possible, I'd like to see you back here next week."

"Sure. Is Thursday at 4:30 good for you? That's the only day she doesn't have anything to do after school."

"No problem," Dr. Allen said warmly. "See you then."

Mom nodded, and the two of us headed out the door.

It was still raining as we were driving back to Stoneybrook. For the first ten minutes of the trip, neither of us said a word: Mom, because she was concentrating on her driving, or trying to, and me, because I was still trying to deal with my outburst back in the office. Even though Dr. Allen was right about me needing to get it out in the open, part of me still resented him a little for pushing me as hard as he did.

"Hungry, sweetie?" Mom finally asked.

"A little," I admitted. "How does Tim Horton's sound?"

"Okay. I've been wanting some of their wintergreen tea for awhile now. How about you?"

"Sure, and a tuna melt sounds good, too."

"No problem, " Mom said, and we pulled into the drive-thru and got our food: two piping-hot wintergreen teas, a turkey Reuben for Mom, and a tuna melt for me.

"Haley, I know you're probably tired of hearing people tell you this, but it's all going to be okay now," Mom said sometime after we got back on the road.

"Thanks," I said softly. "And actually, it's hearing people tell me I'm a screw-up that I'm sick of."

"Hey, you're not a screw-up," Mom told me. "A screw-up wouldn't have tried to step in when Charlotte couldn't take that sitting job, or even come to Matt's rescue the way you did. And speaking of which, I'm still sorry for how I treated you at the hospital. I had no right to blow up at you like that."

"No, you were right," I sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, all this time, I've been acting like a victim, feeling sorry for myself," I answered, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "Self-pity isn't one of my attractive personality traits."

Mom reached over and patted my hand, but said nothing.

After taking a sip of my tea, I continued, "I've spent my whole life holding my breath, worrying that something was about to spin out of control. That's part of the reason why I got into cheerleading in the first place. I just wanted to find a way to escape from all the insanity, but even that didn't stop me from being afraid of something terrible happening. And then, last month, it did. I don't know who I am anymore, Mom. The girl I was died at that game. And I don't know how, or if, I'll ever get her back."

I thought for sure that Mom was going to tell me not to be so hard on myself (as if I'd never heard that one before), but as it turned out, she didn't have to, because the song that started playing on the radio said it all:

_"There've been times in my life I've been wonderin' why._

_Still, somehow I believed we'd always survi-i-ive; now, I'm not so sure._

_You're waiting to hear one good reason to try._

_But what more can I say? What's left to provi-i-ide?_

_You think that maybe it's o-over, only if you want it to be-e._

_Are you gonna wait for a si-ign, your miracle?_

_Stand up and fight!_

_"(This is it) Make no mistake where you a-are_

_(This is it) Your back's to the cor-orner_

_(This is it) Don't be a fool anymo-ore_

_(This is it) The waiting is over-r-r..."_

I don't know why, but the words in that song really put things into perspective for me. Right then and there, I realized that there were other people who've had some bad breaks in their lives, and how childish and petty I was for thinking I was the only one. _I hear you, man, _I thought to myself. _I hear you._

**THE END**


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